


Masochism Tango

by fms_fangirl



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Not BDSM in spite of title, Other, Present Tense, Workplace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 03:39:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5076355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fms_fangirl/pseuds/fms_fangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>William and Grell can't help themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Masochism Tango

It’s so easy to hurt him. Not with smacks, kicks or a blow from his Death Scythe – those he shrugs off with a smile, but with word and gestures.

So easy to make the light die in his eyes; to watch his face fall; to see him wilt in dismay when he ignores a friendly greeting, turns away from him in the Break Room or simply frowns when he enters the room.

Too easy. To offer a word of praise and see his face turn to him like a flower following the sun and ignore ruthlessly the tiny flicker of warmth he feels. To give him a rare smile of appreciation or encouragement; to allow him foolishly to believe that he harbours any regard for him and watch him desperately strive for his approval only to crush him with a well-timed sneer.

It’s so easy to hurt Grell and so hard.

XXXXXXXXXX

She feels like a neglected plant, forgotten in a dusty corner, about to wither and die when, suddenly placed in a sunlit window and given a refreshing draught of water, is thrust again out of sight to droop and thirst anew.

At the Dispatch’s New Year’s Eve party, he fetches her a drink and says, with a meaningful glance at the clock, that he hopes to see her later. He disappears and, at midnight, she stands, awkwardly clutching two glasses of champagne, surrounded by embracing couples. She doesn’t _really_ expect a kiss, but she hopes for a friendly handshake and heartfelt wish for a Happy New Year. She forces sloppy, unwanted kisses on her co-workers and leaves alone.

She acts out. She pads her expense account with absurd and embarrassing items like nail lacquer and personal lubricant. She strolls in late to the annual meeting with Management with loud complaints about menstrual cramps. She yawns and powders her nose during her evaluation until he whacks her on the side of her head with his Scythe.

He tells her she has been upgraded to Senior Agent and extends his hand in congratulation. He seems genuinely pleased for her. She invites him out for a celebratory drink – an invitation extended without innuendo or false coyness. He refuses.

Sometimes, Grell is sure that she hates William.

XXXXXXXXXX

William doesn’t hate Grell. Hate is a strong emotion and he does not allow such. Grell – fool that he is – thinks he loves him, but he has no idea what real love is. He exists in a deluded haze of fairytale romance and bodily lust.

Love means self-denial, sacrifice and pain.

Love is a human emotion, but he is no longer human. Love is an emotion for the living, but he is no longer alive.

He does not hate Grell; he cannot love him.

XXXXXXXXXX

Grell has loved William since they were paired on their final exam; since she forced her way through his aloof and superior façade and engaged him in combat. She hopes they might, at least, be friends after graduation, but he rebuffs all overtures, romantic or otherwise, so she tries to pierce the armour of his indifference.

She revels in her new existence. Her new-found strength and power fill her with glee. Free from the fear of imprisonment and the shadow of the noose, she glories in her outrageousness – becomes what she had dreamed. But William holds her in contempt; the rest look upon her with distaste at the best and, slowly, she becomes angry and bitter and cruel.

There is a grim pleasure to be had in the fear she sees lurking in her colleagues’ eyes when she strides forth, her chainsaw roaring and dripping with blood. A perverse joy when William descends on her in fury over her latest escapade.

She has a new life, a second chance. But for William, she could be happy.

XXXXXXXXXX

William knows he has committed the most grievous of sins in defying the Will of the Higher Up. He does not deserve happiness in this existence. He hopes for nothing more than the satisfaction of a job well done and to, one day, be accorded the status of good and faithful servant, to expiate his sin.

Every night, he falls to his knees and humbly begs forgiveness. Every morning, he kneels again and prays for the strength to carry on – to practise denial and self-sacrifice and to endure the pain.

It is not a new life; it is not a second chance. It is penance.

So they punish each other. They punish themselves.


End file.
